9 to 5
by mighty.mouse.one
Summary: No one can figure out who Dean's long time girlfriend is—all they know is that she's one of their coworkers. Charlie and the gang try to get down to the bottom of the mystery, but things turn out a little more complicated than they expected. And Dean's not too happy about their prying... Office AU. Destiel. DeanxCastiel DeanxOthers (sort of) Language & suggestive themes. (Complete)
1. Chapter 1 - Charlie Gets Suspicious

A/N: This fic will only be about 3 or 4 chapters long –it's mostly finished, I'm just trying to edit. I'm traveling internationally today but I wanted to get the ball rolling; I expect to get internet connection and upload the next chapter within a week or so (fingers crossed).

Unfortunately the first chapter is a little awkward as I try to set things up but it'll get to the good stuff soon, so just humor me. In the meantime, I hope you get a few laughs out it.

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><p>The ancient coffee machine in the fifth floor break room was taking forever, as usual, but Charlie paid no attention today; she was pacing the floor anxiously, thinking about how Dean had come into the office early with his eyes red and puffy. Obviously he'd gotten in a fight with someone, but who? A roommate? A lover? Charlie was determined to solve the mystery, even if she had to request help from the entire building. As it was, she and a handful of coworkers were holding a team meeting to discuss the matter while they waited for their coffee.<p>

"Dean's been working here for _five years_, guys," said Charlie. "How is it that we don't know anything about his girlfriend?!"

Ash shrugged as he munched on a bag of Cheetos. "As loud and talkative as Dean is, he's actually a pretty private dude when it comes to his home life."

"That's true," said Chuck. "All he really ever talks about is cars, music, or his brother."

"But it's been years and we _still_ haven't gotten anywhere?" Charlie challenged.

"Well, we do know that this longtime girlfriend, whoever she is, works somewhere here in the building," Jo pointed out.

"Big whoop," Charlie complained, slumping down in one of the plastic chairs gathered around the pristine, white table and crossing her arms stubbornly. "Well I can only talk about his car so often without going insane. Plus I'm tired of tiptoeing around him not knowing if it's okay to invite him and his girlfriend to see the new _Hobbit_ film or if she'll get mad if he comes over to my place to play video games. I say we figure this out once and for all."

Ash hummed thoughtfully around his synthetic cheesy goodness. "Yeah okay, count me in."

"I'm curious, too," Garth agreed, swinging his legs from his seat on the countertop. "But it's hard to know where to start. Is there anyone that Dean seems really close to?"

They all took a minute to consider. With his charms and ridiculously good looks, Dean was considered to be something of a ladies' man—nearly every woman in the office wanted him, certainly—and it would be difficult to distinguish his winks in the hallway as friendliness or intimacy.

"I think it's Cassie," said Kevin. "They seem like they would make a pretty good couple."

Charlie gave Kevin a skeptical look. "Even if they did get together, I doubt they would have last very long."

"I dunno…" Ash said around his crunching. "I agree with Kevin. I can see that being a thing."

"Well, who else is there?" Chuck asked while inspecting apples from the bowl in the center of the table. "Is there anyone he seems to talk to a lot?"

"He's always talking with Jess," Becky answered. "I wouldn't be surprised if they were a couple—they're super friendly with each other, y' know?"

"They're both very friendly people," Kevin pointed out.

"And Becky, I think that's just wishful thinking on your part," Jo argued, knowing how much Becky liked to creep on poor Sam Winchester. Unfortunately for her, Sam had a huge crush on Jess that everyone in the office knew about. Including Jess.

Finally, the coffee machine beeped. Garth took the pot around the room and served everyone, humming a tune as he did.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he was hooking up with Bela," he said. "They do work on a lot of projects together, and whenever they talk they get really close and personal."

Jo snorted. "That's because Bela's a perv. Dean hates working with her."

Garth shrugged. "I wouldn't rule it out."

Everyone sat and gave this new addition some thought. Meanwhile Bobby walked in, giving a grunt and a nod in greeting.

"If they were a couple I bet they would have a lot of hot, angry sex," Becky mused.

Bobby turned on his heel and walked out without bothering to serve himself any coffee.

Kevin turned to her and made a face. "Becky, please. Save it for your fanfiction."

Becky smiled at him with a small "hmm" then went to staring off at the wall. Imagining God knows what.

"What do you guys think about Lisa?" Charlie asked. "Does she seem like a good candidate?"

Jo nodded. "Yeah, definitely. Lisa's the kind of girl Dean would have a beer and watch sports with. Plus he probably likes that she teaches yoga on the side, if you know what I mean." Jo wiggled her eyebrows.

Just then, Michael entered the room and graced them with his haughty presence, a brow raised and his tone chastising. Suddenly the air felt a little chilly. "My desk is right around the corner. I can hear you all," he said imperiously. Everyone tried not to shy away from him as he crossed over to the counter, though they shared a nervous look behind his back as he filled his coffee mug. On the way out, Michael tossed a twenty onto the table.

"My money's on Anna."

It took a full minute for everyone to remember how to breathe.

Charlie shook her head clear. "O-kaaay, so I guess we're betting now, with…" she counted on her fingers, "…four candidates in total: Anna, Lisa, Bela, and Cassie. Do you guys wanna keep debating this thing, or should I like, start taking orders?"

Everyone shrugged in agreement with _yeah, sure_'s and _why not_'s but Kevin, ever the AP student, raised his hand. He spoke in a hushed, conspiratorial voice.

"So we place bets. But how do we figure out the truth? We all know that Dean's not gonna spill."

"Guess we'll just have to go 'round to everyone's desks lookin' for clues," Ash answered—also whispering, should scary managers like Michael come around hovering again. "Y'know, see if any of the girls got a leather jacket or a mixed tape collection."

"Sniff them if you've got a chance."

Of course all the strange looks went to Becky. She rolled her eyes at them explained quietly (though not without some exasperation), "Maybe one of them borrowed his cologne, like Anderson and Sally. If any of them smell like him, then we know she's been staying the night at his house!"

Charlie raised her eyebrows a little. It wasn't a…_terrible_ idea. "Ten points to the Sherlockian," she said. But then she added, "Just, don't take your detective skills to a creeper level, 'kay?" The men in the room nodded enthusiastically.

Jo, on the other hand, was worrying her lip. "Guys, I'm worried," she whispered. "What if Dean finds out what we're up to? He's gonna be so mad."

"Be mad about what?" Dean whispered.

Everyone screamed.

"BALLS. Don't do that, man!" Garth cried, clutching a hand to his chest.

Dean frowned at him as he stalked to the other end of the room—clearly, he was still in a thunderous mood. This could not end well.

"So…what are you all up to?" Dean drawled, giving them each a hard look as he fully leaned back against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest and his legs crossed at the ankles.

"Uh, not much."

"Nothing goin' on here."

"Nope."

Charlie was pretty certain that Dean could smell their fear.

"So someone just accidentally left a twenty dollar bill on the table?"

Everyone glanced at Michael's money with panicked eyes, having forgotten about it.

"Yup."

"I guess so."

"Man, that sucks."

Dean rolled his eyes with a snarl. There was no fooling him—the game was up.

"Don't think that I don't know what's goin' on in here," he said angrily. Everyone looked down guiltily, and Chuck looked like he wanted to cry.

"I know y'all are trying to pry into my home life, but I ain't havin' none a that shit so listen up."

Dean's father had been a marine as a young man, and had raised his boys with the same cold, harsh discipline that he'd learned from the military, so there was no wondering how Dean could go from easygoing to terrifying in two seconds flat.

"Every one of you losers is single except for Jo—and her boyfriend doesn't work here—which means that you all get to have private lives without nosy brats like yourselves gossiping around the water cooler. There's nobody wondering if you got in a fight at home, or asking when you're gonna pop the question, or trying to catch you having sex in the bathroom. Me, on the other hand—that's the crap I put up with every damn week."

Dean uncrossed his limbs and stood to his full height, making the other occupants of the room swallow their courage in one nervous, collective _gulp_.

"So let's get this straight: whoever I'm dating, leave 'em alone. Whoever you _think_ I'm dating, leave 'em alone. And if I hear about anyone snooping around, I'm gonna superglue their ass to a wheelie chair so they'll have to swivel their way home. Ya hear?"

"There are worse things in life," Ash smiled.

Dean shot him a glare.

"Not that I can think of any at the moment," he amended.

Given the tense silence of the room, heavy footsteps could be heard making their way down the hall and, within moments, Castiel Novak trudged in carrying two large boxes of Winchell's. He looked rosy-cheeked and wind-blown from his walk to the office, his trench coat half hanging off his shoulders and revealing the navy sweater he wore underneath for Casual Friday. He halted just inside the doorway, a confused frown washing over his face.

"Why are you all cowering in fear?" he asked in his usual monotone voice.

Charlie felt a glimpse of hope; aside from Sam (who had an advantage as Dean's brother), Castiel was the only person in existence who was not intimidated by Dean's rage, and therefore had the remarkable ability to stand up to the man without peeing himself. Maybe they'd survive this after all.

"Because Dean's a big bully," Jo complained to Castiel. He arched an eyebrow.

"He has 'teddy bear doctor' listed on his resume." Castiel stated matter-of-factly. Despite their present anxieties, everyone snorted—except Dean, who wore a pout on his face that Charlie was endeavoring, quite heroically, to not snigger at.

Jo crossed her arms. "Still, he's getting all mean and puffy on us."

"Over what?" Castiel asked as he set the donuts on the table.

"We just want to know who his girlfriend is," Kevin admitted meekly.

Castiel crossed over to the cupboards and pulled out his mug to prepare his morning tea. "If I'm not mistaken," he said calmly, "Dean and his significant other prefer to keep that information confidential. Perhaps you should respect his wishes."

"_Confidential_," Charlie scoffed. "Is it really that big of a deal?"

Castiel regarded her thoughtfully for a moment before returning his attention to his tea. "Perhaps not. But Dean's very grumpy so it's probably not a good idea to make things worse."

"I'm not grumpy," Dean groused.

Castiel, while still stirring in his sugar, gave Dean a look that was…actually really sassy. There was a rumor around the office that Castiel might not be human, but Charlie could see the little bits of Castiel's personality that showed through on occasion and she loved it. It was like catching a limited-time unicorn exhibit at the zoo.

Dean scowled at his friend. "Yeah, well, you're just a baby in a trench coat so don't tell me about grumpy."

Castiel frowned. "Dean, you're being childish," he scolded.

"And you've got a stick up your ass."

"At least I'm not emotionally constipated jackass," Castiel spat.

The room went completely still.

"Fuck off," Dean muttered. The two men shared a dark look before Castiel seemed to gather himself with a stiff nod and swiftly walked away. His face bore no emotion but there was a white-knuckled grip on his cup.

"Enjoy your pastries," he muttered on his way out, leaving stunned silence in his wake.

"That was awkward as fuck," Ash commented under his breath.

Dean growled at him, then sent a final glare around the rest of the room. "Like I said, keep your nose out of my business."

And on that pleasant note, he stormed out.

_Well _that_ was interesting_, Charlie thought.

Garth cleared his throat. "So are we still, uh, doing this thing?" he asked.

"Hell yes, we are," Jo said, anger clouding her pretty face. She grumbled something about grouchy He-men getting their panties in a twist and everyone decided to let her be. She wasn't exactly a fairy princess when she got pissed, either.

"Okay then. Let's take down the tallies," Charlie sighed. She tapped on the notepad app on her phone.

"Jo?"

"Lisa. I'm callin' it."

"Garth? Still think it's Bela?"

"Nah, I'm betting on Lisa."

"I think it's Bela," Becky chirped. Everyone groaned but Charlie hushed them.

"SHUT. UP. Kevin, what do you say?"

"Cassie."

"Ash?"

"Cassie."

"Chuck?"

Charlie looked up when there was no response. "Chuck?"

Chuck's eyebrows were furrowed in deep thought like he was trying to figure something out. After some deliberation, the small man addressed Charlie with a look of revelation on his face. "I think it might be Castiel."

"Really?" Charlie asked, surprised.

"Yeah. It seems like there's something going on between them."

Jo smirked. "They're good friends—_of course_ they're gonna be a little weird. But trust me, Dean's to a ruler as Kansas is to a pancake."

Ash laughed. "Yeah, he's so macho even his car has muscle."

"And Castiel is like, perpetually single," Garth added.

"Like me," Chuck intoned, rolling his eyes up to the heavens. However, he didn't seem swayed on his position, and Charlie was starting to get on board with the idea. She held up a hand.

"Hold on, now. Everyone knows how private Castiel is; we don't know how many relationships he's had, or even what _kind_ of relationships he's interested in."

"Everyone just assumes that he's asexual," Kevin said with a shrug. "He's kind of like a cat lady. Only he's not a lady."

"Sorry, but I just don't see it," Jo concluded, throwing her palms up in defense. "I'm still putting my money on Lisa. Charlie? What do you think?"

Under the surface of the conversation, Charlie was busy filing through her mind palace in search of every memory, every clue that might suggest that Dean and Castiel were actually a couple. She recalled that Dean had come into the office about thirty minutes early, his eyes and nose wet because he totally hadn't been crying (not that Charlie believed that bullshit for one second), and now, given his icy encounter with Castiel, she had to wonder…

Was Castiel the one Dean had been fighting with?

"I thought it was Lisa but now I'm not sure," Charlie said honestly. "There might be something to this Angel Theory."

"Suit yourself."

Charlie waved everyone into a huddle. "Alright, gather round, troops. We gotta split the work—I'll take Baby Blues. Jo, you check out Lisa. Ash can take Cassie, and Kevin can find Anna. Visit their desks and look for clues, ask questions about possible boyfriends or spouses, how long they've known Dean…things like that. But be subtle! We don't want the Hulk on our tails."

A light bulb flashed above her red head.

"In fact," she said excitedly, "let's have an after-work party at Jo's mom's place. If we can't dig up enough evidence by the end of the day, then maybe we'll catch Dean acting differently outside of a work environment. And then Plan C is we hose him down with shots until he lets something slip. Anyway, tell everyone that we're having have a get-together at the Roadhouse at six tonight."

"Aye aye, Captain!" Garth saluted her. She nodded proudly in return.

"Okay, break!"

Charlie rubbed her hands evilly as she watched the others run off, cackling _Fly, my pretties, fly!_

Shut up. It was the perfect opportunity.

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><p>9 to 5 by Dolly Parton<p> 


	2. Chapter 2 - Charlie Plays Detective

A/N: I'm too sleepy to edit anymore so (*throws writing at reader*) have at it.

Thank you Valice, you are a fantastic supporter! And thank you heavenhellpurgatoryearth for the review!

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><p>Twenty minutes later, Ash sent a group text saying that he had found a <em>very interesting<em> picture of Cassie when he'd visited her desk. He then followed up with a shot taken from his phone, showing a picture of Cassie clad in a tight bikini and leaning against a black car that bore a remarkable resemblance to Dean's 'baby.' Charlie zoomed in on the picture, blowing it up until there was absolutely no mistaking the impeccably maintained 1967 Chevy Impala.

Charlie stared at the picture blankly, and before she could finish her mental buffering, another text flew in, this time from Kevin.

Kevin announced that when he'd gone to visit Anna, she had been on the phone with someone named "Sam," telling him how excited she was to have him for a brother-in-law, and looking over prints of wedding venues and color schemes. Coincidentally (or not), she was favoring a certain shade of green that closely resembled that of a certain Winchester's alluring eyes.

Well, there was 'certainly' some weird shit going on around here. Charlie hurriedly replied before anyone else could make a comment.

_is she wearing a ring?_

_no but that wd draw unwanted attn, wdnt it? i wdnt wear a ring if i wanted to keep my rltnshp quiet._

Hmm. He had a point. Charlie began typing again.

_all right gang, stand by. i still need to see dean and castiel and we haven't heard from jo so let's not get too crazy just yet._

That warning went right out the window half an hour later when Jo sent a picture of a toddler taking wobbly steps toward a man that looked an awful lot like Dean. Needless to say, there was a freak-out-by-phone when everyone in the group texted "WHEN THE FUCK DID DEAN HAVE A _BABY_."

Charlie's thumbs were a flurry of tapping digits yet even she was helpless to keep up with the barrage of theories that flooded her screen: that maybe it was the child of Lisa's sister, or maybe the man in the picture just happened to be a Dean-doppelganger, or maybe Dean and Lisa really did have a fucking baby out of wedlock without the entire fucking office knowing about it because _holy shit_ does that kid actually fucking look like him_._

Everyone who'd been with the company for the last four years remembered the time when Lisa was pregnant, but no one had known the father—much less realized that said father shared a pot of Folgers with them every morning—and so didn't ask about him; they just dropped off cutesy gift baskets and wished her health and happiness until she eventually went on maternity leave. But if Dean really was a father after all this time—

Oh gods. They seriously had to get down to the bottom of this. Sometime after lunch, Charlie managed to sneak into Dean's private office while he was in a meeting with the other designers and engineers.

Everyone was always surprised to find that Dean's office was rather stark. They expected the place to be covered from floor to ceiling in posters and memorabilia, but in reality it was neat and professional; the warm, bright colors gave it a comfortable business atmosphere, and everything on the walls and tabletops were strictly work-related and military-organized. There were hardly any personal items, and the few framed photographs on his desk only showed his parents and his brother as a young teen. There was no sign of a baby, or of Lisa or Cassie or anyone else for that matter.

Charlie plopped down into the plush wheelie chair behind the desk and began checking the drawers. She was rather disappointed to find only folders, drawing and measuring tools, a bag of candy, and a lint roller on its last leg. With a sigh of resignation, she pulled a notepad toward her and wrote down a notice about the after-work party to leave for Dean.

Just as she was putting the pen back, she noticed the coffee mug that held all of Dean's pens and pencils. Having been to his office multiple times before, she had seen the mug and was used to being greeted by Han Solo, whose image was printed on the face of it, every time she walked in. However she had never considered that there might be more markings on the other side of the cup.

Now, sitting behind the desk, she could see _I KNOW_ inked in bold lettering, clear as day. And if there's an _I know_, there must be an…

Charlie gave the chair one last satisfying twirl then leapt up and hurried to the other side of the building. The company was young and still small enough to require the use of only two floors in the building but, even so, Charlie was faced with the daunting task of navigating a seemingly endless sea of cubicles. After being directed to the accountants' section several times (and getting lost just as many times), she finally managed to locate Castiel's…well, whatever this tiny little hell hole was supposed to be.

Charlie was surprised to see how much character Castiel had put into his workspace, though she couldn't blame him given the drabness of an _accountant's cubicle_. Those two words together all but screamed "gray" and "square" and "sad." In his efforts to combat such depressing lack of inspiration, Castiel's desk was practically bohemian in comparison to Dean's; an entire wall was covered in postcards from around the country, a Lord of the Rings poster was pinned to another, and his desk was home to a tin of oolong tea, a small collection of mixed CDs, a potted fern, a black cat bobble-head, and…yes, there it was.

_I love you_ sat there, inconspicuous but honest like a confession. Yesterday it had been some ten-dollar mug purchased as part of a set from some struggling comic book store. And now…now that Charlie had discovered the beautiful gay backstory, it was a secret, a promise—a material tie between a pair of lovers who hid their true selves from society like a couple of superheroes.

Destiel was officially Charlie's favorite nerd romance of all time.

"Charlie, why are you standing there?"

Castiel blinked up at her with ear buds idling in his hands. A glance at his phone's screen showed that he'd been listening to rain. Seriously. He had an app that played _the sound of rain_. Jesus, this man was adorable.

"Sorry! Just admiring your lair." She flashed him an innocent smile. "I've never seen it. What's with JiJi over there? I take it you're not superstitious."

Castiel looked to the bobble-head. "I am not familiar with this JiJi, but no, I am not superstitious. I received it as a gift because it looks like my own cat."

Charlie's eyes grew wide. "_Dude_. You haven't seen _Kiki's Delivery Service_? 'Cause if Dean hasn't educated you on the magic of Studio Ghibli I'm gonna have to send him a virus."

Castiel tilted his head. "No, I have not seen that particular film. Dean favors _Princess Mononoke_." After a moment's pause, his eyes narrowed at her. "Forgive me, but was there something you wanted to discuss?" He spoke in a polite but please-leave-me-alone sort of tone that made Charlie clear her throat awkwardly.

"Oh, right. Yeah, a bunch of us are gonna head over to the Roadhouse at six for a little work party. You in?"

Castiel looked away. "I'm, um, not really in the mood…"

"You don't have to actually rub elbows or anything! Just hang out with us and have a couple beers—loosen up a bit, yeah?"

Castiel rubbed the cord of his earphones between his fingertips, studying it. "As long as I don't have to socialize, I…" He rubbed his face tiredly and sighed. "I suppose I wouldn't mind a drink or two."

As if seeing things through a filter, Charlie suddenly saw all of the lines in his face and the weariness of his eyes—the same weariness she had seen in Dean just this morning.

"Rough morning?" She asked with genuine sympathy.

Castiel gave her a small, defeated smile. "You could say that."

Charlie nodded absently, letting that sink in.

"Well, I'll leave you alone now. See you at six!" Flashing a smile, she reentered the maze of temporary walls with her mind working at a thousand thoughts per second. What's up with Castiel? Did Dean hurt him? Did it have anything to do with all these women, or did they just have a lovers' spat? Were they actually lovers, or just friends with a couple of coffee mugs? What's going on?!

Get it together, Charlie; first and foremost, lay out the facts:

1) Castiel was upset this morning, which is probably why he went to the donut shop—because in all honesty, Castiel's a nice guy, but bringing donuts to the office was a little OOC of him.

2) He was not only in super introvert mode today, but he redirected the conversation specifically after Charlie brought up Dean.

3) Dean was also upset this morning.

4) Both had seemed normal yesterday.

5) Dean and Castiel had a hissy fit in the break room—a scary one—meaning that they'd had a real fight either last night after work or early this morning. Or both.

6) Their offices…well actually, their offices didn't prove much except that Castiel sort of was a cat lady and that Dean was neat freak with a lint roller and—

Wait, what?

Dean wore his slacks and blazers and suits often enough to have to clean them on a regular basis, so why would he need a lint roller unless he…

Oh crap. Oh crap. Dean lives with a cat. Dean lives with _Castiel's_ cat. Dean and Castiel have a cat, either instead of a child or in order to prepare them for having a child, because that's what couples _do_, because that's what having a pet means for a young couple, and _sweet mother of God Dean and Castiel are definitely a couple._

Charlie sent off her discovery in a group text but of course everyone had to rain on her gay parade. As the replies came in Charlie's eyes rolled again and again like two merry-go-rounds of frustration.

"Dean isn't gay."

There is such thing as bi. Pan, even.

"Castiel is probably asexual."

Castiel is a _mystery_. It's hard to know about _any_ part of his personality and lifestyle. And even if he were asexual it's not like he couldn't ever be in a romantic relationship ever.

Jesus H Christ, guys. Google exists for a reason.

"Friends are allowed to have fights."

True. But so are couples.

"Friends are allowed to have matching cups."

'Friends' get Solo and Chewbacca, sure. Harry and Ron. Hawkeye and Black Widow. Kirk and Spock. Frodo and Sam.

But Solo and _Leia?_

"Dean is totally a dog person. He's got like, German shepherd and Doberman written all over him."

That was a pretty stupid excuse considering Dean has never even been seen near a dog, his own or otherwise. There is literally more evidence to suggest that _Big Foot_ exists.

Sam Winchester, for example.

"There's no way. They would kill each other if they lived together—as a couple or not. Dean is Led Zep and beer and motel road trips and Castiel is opera and tea and bookstores."

Yeah, because Castiel never drinks alcohol and Dean never reads. Uh-huh. Sure. Flawless theory right there.

Charlie eventually shut off her phone, far too annoyed that everyone but Chuck refused to even consider that Dean and Castiel could be together. It wasn't a matter of gay wishful thinking on her part, but rather knowing that those two assholes somehow, in some miraculous way, truly belonged together and made each other better people. And somehow, in some miraculous way, Charlie was going to prove that.


	3. Chapter 3 - It All Makes Sense

A/N: I experimented with some song weaving. Forgive me. It's definitely embarrassingly corny, but I liked the challenge of writing a character's performance without being able to actually hear or see the performance.

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><p>Jo, Charlie, Garth, Kevin, Ash and Chuck were the first to arrive at the bar, huddled around a large table in a susurrus of whispers—heated whispers, because they were all confused and frustrated and making no headway on the Secret Office Romance mystery. By the time six o'clock rolled around, they had no more of a solid answer than what they had started with that morning. And it didn't help anything when Becky bounced in with more news.<p>

"Guys! I talked to Bela—even though you all said it was a waste of time—but guess what! She showed me a picture of Dean! Naked, hard, tied up and_ gagged._ It was _on her_ _phone."_

When someone drops a nude-photo bomb like that, there's not much a person can do other than blink, quickly and repeatedly.

"What?" Kevin choked.

"Seriously!" Becky nodded excitedly. "She sent it to me! Wanna see—?"

Ash jerked back. "God no! Put that _away_."

"Better yet, erase it," Charlie said, squeezing her eyes shut and massaging her temples. The guy poor guy didn't need shit like that floating around the office.

Jo slammed her head on the table with a groan. "What the hell is going _on_? I just wanted to know who Dean was dating but now I feel bad because we're dragging out a shitload of really private stuff! And not just that he has a secret girlfriend—he might have a secret _boyfriend_ or a secret_ S&M fetish_ or a secret _baby_ for God's sake!"

Charlie felt like pulling her hair out; this was getting out of control. "Look, I don't know why Lisa has a picture of Dean running around with a mini Dean on her desk or how Bela knows about his bedroom kinks, but I'm telling you—Destiel is totally a thing and I can prove it to you—!"

"Shut up shut up shut up!" Chuck hissed. "Lisa and Dean just walked in and they're heading this way!"

Sure enough, the two were walking side by side, laughing and talking easily, not realizing that there were seven people watching them like hawks and hanging on their every word. If the pair had known, they might not have said some of the things they did.

"And Dean, thanks for taking Ben off my hands this weekend. Three-year-olds are a handful and it will be nice to have a break."

Dean beamed at her. "Well I am his dad, so…"

Lisa swatted his arm with a laugh before peeling away from his side to join a group of women at another table. When Charlie looked back at the others, she could see that everyone else was thinking the exact same thing as her:

_whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck_

Before anyone had a chance to comment (aloud), Sam Winchester suddenly swooped by from out of nowhere and dragged Dean's ass to the bathroom, bowed legs flailing and all. The group waited quietly for them to come out but after ten minutes the only person to make an appearance was Castiel. He gave Charlie a small wave before heading straight to the bar to order himself a drink.

By six-thirty, the party was in full swing with a good majority of their coworkers mingling about and eating appetizers, their sleeves rolled up and drink in hand. Jo and Ash had gotten up to help Ellen serve and clear dishes, and Sam and Dean had finally drifted back into the main room. Dean was chatting with Cassie at the moment, so as Sam walked past the table with several beers in hand Charlie took the opportunity to seize him by the arm. Sam smiled down at the group.

"Oh hey, Charlie! What's up?" Oops. She hadn't thought this far.

"Hey, Sam. I, uh, I was just wondering if…if Dean has a dog?"

Sam tilted his head and frowned. "No, he hates dogs. Got attacked by a big, mean one when we were teenagers. Why do you ask?"

Charlie gaped. "Um. Toooo…settle a bet." Well, it wasn't a lie.

Sam gave her a weird look that was half-bemusement, half-smirk—like he knew what she was really up to, but was confused by the actual question.

"Yeah, okay." He eyed her suspiciously. "Is that all you wanted to ask me?"

Charlie swallowed. "Um, yeah. Yep. Thanks, Sam."

Oh. So that's what the infamous bitch face looked like.

"Yeah, sure. Well, good luck with your bets. I'm sure it'll all be settled. Real soon." Sam gave a quick nod and continued on his way, leaving everyone stunned for the fiftieth time that night.

"Was—was that a hint? Was he hinting at something?" Chuck asked, hands braced on the table.

Charlie narrowed her eyes. "Something weird's going on here."

She tracked Sam to a corner booth where he was distributing drinks to Zeke, Gabriel, Bobby and Dean, who had finished his talk with Cassie. Charlie and the others had watched Dean carefully when he came out of the bathroom, but had seen nothing to suggest that he had any relations with anyone in the room—no tucking Anna's hair behind her ear, no under the table hand-holding with Lisa, no starry-eyed smiles shared with Cassie. Nothing. He'd appeared to be his usual goofy self, flirting but not crossing any boundaries.

Now that he was settled in his booth, however, he looked anxious. His eyes were darting all over the room and when he wasn't taking nervous sips of his beer, he was sliding it back and forth on the tabletop between his hands.

Turning her attention to the other side of the room, Charlie noticed that Castiel looked miserable, even under his stoic facade. Ellen had cut him off the whiskey early on and given him a light beer instead, and he'd been picking at the label and staring at the opposite wall ever since. Charlie's heart ached for Castiel. He was on good terms with everybody, but he preferred to keep his circle of close friends small and, unfortunately, everyone in that small circle was either Dean Winchester or related to Dean Winchester.

When Dean and Castiel fought, Dean lost his best friend. Castiel, on the other hand, lost his whole family.

Charlie stood and walked over to him.

"Castiel."

The man lifted his blue eyes to her. "Please go away, Charlie."

Charlie put her hands on her hips. "Not unless you come with me."

"I told you I wasn't in the mood to—"

"I don't care. I'm sure as hell not gonna let you drink a lone." She looped an arm around his.

"Charlie—"

"Nope, you're coming with me. You don't have a choice."

She pulled the very reluctant man back to the table, setting him down in a chair next to hers. Everyone greeted him, but didn't press any further when they saw that he didn't want to talk.

Someone coughed nervously into a microphone.

Kevin's eyebrows went up. "This day can't get any weirder."

Dean stood on a small stage against the east wall while Gabriel hooked up what looked like the karaoke machine Ellen often had out on Tuesday nights.

"H-hello everyone. I'm Dean, um…but I guess you probably knew that." Dean's hands were trembling and he kept shifting his weight. "I-I know there's been talk goin' around about me being in a relationship with someone at the office and, well…the rumors are true. W-we'd been trying to hide it so we could keep working like normal and to…to keep our privacy but that plan kinda backfired. S-so, I'm gonna tell you now."

He shot an accusing look at Charlie's table and they squirmed with both guilt and excitement. Out of the corner of her eye, Charlie could see Castiel's body go rigid. He looked like he was trying to play casual, but his wide-eyed kitten look gave him away. Luckily, no one was paying attention to Castiel; they were hanging on every word Dean said.

"The thing is, I'm not so good with words…and, like a Grade A jackass, I hurt this person's feelings."

"Big surprise there, idjit."

"Not helping, Bobby." Dean muttered out of the corner of his mouth. "This isn't really my thing, but this person means a lot to me so I'm doing the cheesiest, most chick-flick romantic thing I can think of to—ow! _Fine_. This is the cheesiest, most chick-flick romantic thing _Gabe_ could think of, and I'm probably gonna embarrass myself but I'm doin' it anyway because I owe it to this person and I want to make it up to 'em."

Dean turned toward Gabriel with his arms out to the side like "Happy now?" to which Gabriel just nodded and gave him a cheeky smile. Dean rolled his eyes when the lights were dimmed, but he took a deep, steadying breath as the music started to play.

_"You're just too good to be true_

_Can't take my eyes off of you_

_You'd be like heaven to touch_

_I wanna hold you so much…"_

There was a collective gasp from the audience when everyone realized that Dean could actually fucking sing. His clear tenor was a far cry from his usually deep, gruff voice, but it sounded just as sexy, and pretty much every woman and half the men swooned after the first line of the song. Dean got more comfortable as the song went on, and by the second verse he hopped down from the barely-two-feet-tall stage to stroll between the tables.

_"Pardon the way that I stare_

_There's nothing else to compare…"_

Sliding into the booth across from Anna's seat, he put his chin in one hand and winked at her as he sang. Anna blushed and giggled for the rest of the verse before he stood up, blew a kiss, and began moving towards Cassie's table with a…rather out-of-character flourish as the song picked up for the chorus.

_"I love you baby, and if it's quite alright_

_I need you baby, to warm the lonely nights_

_I love you baby, trust in me when I say…"_

This time he moved around Cassie's chair as he sang, doing a half-assed routine that looked suspiciously a lot like Heath Ledger's from _10 Thing I Hate About You_. Of course, Charlie was the only one to recognize it.

Dean was the biggest dork alive and no one even knew.

There was a pause in the singing for the instrumental break, which Dean used to pick his way around the audience, shimmying his way over to Lisa's table. He patted Bela on the head as he passed her, and she irritably smacked his hand away.

Sneaking another glance at Castiel, Charlie saw that the man was equal parts amused, confused, and hurt. She knew that Dean was just jerking everyone around for butting into his private life, but she hoped that he wasn't also hurting Castiel on accident by interacting with all these women.

The chorus started a second time and Dean went down on one knee in front of Lisa's seat, taking her hand in his and staring up into her eyes. Charlie could _feel_ the stillness of the room as everyone held their breath, waiting for Dean to propose to the woman they most suspected to be his secret significant other…

But Dean just kept singing to the grinning Lisa and, toward the end of the chorus, he stood up once more. Everyone was audibly surprised; whispers flooded the room under the trumpets blaring from the speakers.

_"…Oh pretty baby, don't bring me down I pray_

_Oh pretty baby, now that I've found you stay_

_And let me love you baby…"_

Finally, Dean closed in on their table. The tempo slowed and Castiel became visibly panicked. He shoved his chair away from the table but, before he could escape, Dean swiftly threw a leg over and straddled his lap, effectively pinning Castiel to the seat.

_"Let me love you…"_

The music cut out but no one seemed to care. All eyes (the size of saucers) were on Dean and Castiel, who were doing some major soul staring. Castiel looked extremely awkward, shying away from the intense attention of both Dean and the other eighty-something occupants of the room, but he never looked away. He seemed spellbound by Dean's gaze, and though his own blue eyes were full of apprehension, they also showed fondness and hope. Dean whispered something into Castiel's ear before bringing the cordless mike to his lips once more.

How the hell Dean managed to stay off her gay-dar for this long, Charlie would never know—it was clear that the fucker knew how to run a show when his voice rang out from the silence, pure and resonant.

Damn. A capella never failed to make a good impression.

_"You're just too good to be true_

_Can't take my eyes off of you_

_You'd be like heaven to touch_

_I wanna hold you so much…"_

****Castiel broke his resolve, then, and placed a hand on Dean's cheek. Dean leaned slightly into the touch before gently resting his forehead against Castiel's, singing softly all the while.

_"At long last love has arrived_

_And I thank God I'm alive_

_You're just too good to be true_

_Can't take my eyes off of you."_

Everyone waited for a kiss, heated and flagrant in its declaration of love, but none came. Dean stayed in Castiel's lap as they held each other, his head lowered to murmur apologies and praises into the other's neck. Watching Castiel card his fingers through his dark blonde hair, Charlie knew this was much more intimate than any kiss. As if with the flip of a switch, the two men had gone from friends and coworkers to lovers and companions simply by the way they touched and looked at each other. They interacted with such closeness and familiarity now, there was no denying that they were, indeed, a couple.

"CALLED IT," Victor shouted from somewhere in the crowd.

The lights came back on and the spell was broken; everyone returned to their original activities or began gossiping about the new discovery. At the next table Charlie spotted Rufus grumbling as he took a bill from his wallet and slapped it into Missouri's hand.

"Missouri sees all," the woman boasted gleefully.

Chuck eyed the others with a smug look. He knew, of course, that he'd just won the whole damn thing (since Charlie had never officially placed a bet) and happily accepted the cash the others pushed at him.

"I am a god," Chuck smiled as he counted his money.

"Damn, Winchester," Jo said, putting her hands on her hips. "You really had me fooled when you went down on one knee in front of Lisa. I thought you were gonna pop the question!"

Sam appeared over her shoulder. "Nah, he's too chicken-shit for a stunt like that. He wouldn't want to get rejected in front of an audience."

Dean smirked but said nothing, which was surprising. Now that the quiet tension had dissipated into excited chatter, Dean seemed fully content to sit slouched in Castiel's lap and rest his head on the other's shoulder while Castiel nuzzled into his collarbone. Dean looked…soothed, of all things, with his eyes closed and a tiny smile settled on his lips. Charlie imagined that Castiel looked much the same, his face buried in the fabric of Dean's graphic t-shirt and blazer combo.

"This was cute and all, but I still need answers," Ash huffed.

Dean cocked an eyebrow at him. "Ask away," he invited. His voice was softer than usual, probably so as not to startle his partner.

Ash thrilled. "Okay so what's up with Mini-Dean? We saw that picture on Lisa's desk and we're pretty sure that's you in it and that kid looks so much like you it's scary. So what's the deal, man? Are you like, divorced and we didn't know it?"

"Gee whiz! Just go for the big one, then," Garth said, looking at Ash in bewilderment.

Dean looked like he wanted to laugh but managed to stifle it to hiccupped giggles. "I'm Lisa's baby daddy," he said.

"_WHAT_," everyone said in unison.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Her husband's infertile. She told me way back that they wanted to have a kid and were checking all the sperm banks, but they didn't like the idea of getting Lisa knocked up from someone they didn't know. So I offered to help out."

Jo's eyes bugged out. "So what, you guys just…" She made a crude gesture involving her index finger and a circle formed from her other index finger and thumb.

"God, Jo! Not like that! I mean I took a couple magazines into the clinic and they gave me a sterilized beaker."

Jo grimaced at the implied imagery.

Dean stuck his tongue out at her in response. "Anyway, that picture is from Thanksgiving. I'm more like Ben's uncle than anything, and me and Cass watch him from time to time. Her husband's a really cool guy."

Becky frowned. "So how come Lisa doesn't have a picture of him?"

"I dunno. Maybe she took it home for some reason—Oh wait, you know what? She just asked me if I know any photography places in town, said she wanted to get a new frame for one that broke. Maybe that's the picture."

Everyone seemed satisfied with that answer, so Garth said, "My turn! I wanna know why Cassie has a saucy picture of herself with your car."

Charlie choked a laugh. Saucy. Oh, Garth.

Dean raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You guys really did go snooping around."

Everyone shifted awkwardly but didn't make excuses or back down—they were too curious. Dean shrugged _whatever_ and answered,

"Cassie's in some nonprofit org and they wanted to make calendars and sell 'em at that big car show in Vegas for a fundraiser. They needed to borrow classic cars for the shoot, so Cassie asked me. I wouldn't let her lay on it, though. My baby's too precious for that."

Sam snorted as he drew up a chair. "Yeah, the only person allowed to sit on it is Cass. And he gets to do it naked."

Everyone immediately perked up at that. Dean glared at Sam.

"That was an accident."

Kevin tilted his head. "How do you 'accidentally'…"

"Gabe gave him special brownies without telling him, okay?"

Yeah, that actually made a lot of sense. Cue the collective 'oh.'

"Dude showed up on my car naked, covered in bees," Dean explained with a not-so-restrained smile. Castiel opened his eyes and glared at Dean.

"Stop spreading embarrassing stories about me," he said with a hard swat to Dean's thigh.

Dean kissed his forehead. "That's the only one there is. Well, that and Vegas."

"Dammit, Dean—"

"WHAT HAPPENED IN VEGAS," everyone said in unison.

Castiel scowled at them all.

"Long story short," Sam said, "it was before they started dating and Dean found out that Cass had never gambled or gotten excessively drunk or been with a prostitute before. So of course, Dean took him to Vegas."

Dean grinned. "We went to a brothel and I got him this girl, Chastity, who shows up in this sexy little number and I've never seen him look so scared in his life."

"Dean." Castiel glowered dangerously at Dean, but the blonde was too busy trying to control his giggling at Castiel's expense. No one spared the blue-eyed man any sympathy, too busy enjoying the story and listening for the homoerotic subtext that might clue in to the pair's subsequent relationship.

"So they go into a back room and not even two minutes later, I hear _screaming_." Dean giggled. "Turns out Angel Boy went all Carl Jung on the hooker, sayin' how it wasn't her fault she—Cass, that hurts—that she turned to a life of _iniquity_ because she had daddy issues. But all _I_ know is that Chastity's yellin' for security and this huge guy—I'm talkin' Sam with an extra fifty pounds on the side—comes round the corner but Cass's still standin' around like some lost kitten like, seriously dude? I had to grab him and we hightailed it out the back exit."

Dean was still in Castiel's lap but they had separated completely now. Castiel's arms were crossed over his chest as he glared at Dean through narrowed eyes while Dean just grinned at him.

"What happened next?" someone asked.

Not missing a beat Castiel deadpanned, "We went back to the hotel and I pounded him into the mattress."

Subtext? What subtext?

Charlie blinked owlishly.

A pretty pink blush came over Dean's face and everyone decided they didn't want to hear any more about what happened in Vegas.

"So! Any other questions?" Dean asked, pulling up his own chair next to Castiel.

"Yeah," said Kevin. "Anna was talking on the phone with someone named Sam and said he was going to be her new brother-in-law. So who's she getting married to—if not you—and how come she's not wearing a ring?"

Dean shook his head. "No idea," he admitted.

"So get this," Sam said, leaning in. Dean rolled his eyes. "You know that bakery down on the corner on Fifth? Anna's been dating the owner, Hael. I've actually met her a couple times when she brings Anna's lunch to the office. Cute girl. Anyway, Anna proposed to her last week—which is why she isn't wearing an engagement ring—but they're trying to see if Hael's brother, _Samandriel_, can get them a good deal on one since he works at a jewelry store. Anna told me just the other day, says they're thinking of a spring wedding, in a garden with fairy lights and things. Should be really nice."

Dean threw his brother a sidelong look. "Thank you, Martha Stewart," he intoned. Sam responded with a Level Twenty bitch face.

Jo slapped them both with a dishcloth. "Cool it, guys. What I wanna know is how _you two_ get along."

Both Castiel and Dean raised their eyebrows at her expectantly.

"I mean, how does it work out with the classic rock versus…well, classic novels, and like, watching sports and fixing cars and listening to opera and stuff without getting on each other's nerves—y' know, the whole 'living together' thing."

Castiel turned to Dean with a perplexed expression. "Why does everyone think I listen to opera?"

Dean snorted. "Same reason they all think I watch football."

"Don't you?" Kevin asked, surprised. "Sam does."

"Nah, Sam's normal," Charlie said, feeling smug now that she was being proven right again and again. "Dean likes Dr Sexy and cosplay."

Dean glared at her.

"Sorry, was that classified?"

Ash jumped in. "Whoa! So the whole rebel thing is all a lie? Is the car and the gun collection all just for show then?"

Dean fixed him with a look. "No, it's for real. And I'm a damn good shot, too."

Ash put his hands up in defense. "Just wonderin'."

"And you know Cass has a knife throwing collection?" Dean added, throwing an arm over the back of Castiel's chair.

Ash blanched. "Huh. Really?"

Dean nodded. "Yep. And he's real accurate, too."

"Hold up," Jo cut in. "Don't go pulling skeletons out of the closet 'cause I don't wanna hear how Cass trained in the circus as a kid—"

"Military school," said Castiel.

"—whatever. I just want to know what you guys do like, on any normal day."

Before Dean could reply, Becky chimed in with, "Speaking of skeletons in the closet, why does Bela have a kinky nude photo of you?"

Dean and Castiel froze.

"She has a _what?_" Dean said.

Charlie should have known better to blink, because one moment Castiel was seated at the table and in the next nanosecond he was halfway across the room standing over Bela's shoulder. Dean scrambled out of his chair to intervene, but couldn't get between the other two; despite his smaller form, Castiel wasn't easy to move and he seemed _very _determined to chat with Bela face-to-face.

There was too much chatter in the room to hear what was said, but the other people at Bela's table looked pretty stunned and Castiel was downright furious. Dean seemed plenty angry enough at Bela's smug expression, but he was more focused on keeping Castiel calm.

_Calm_ went down the drain when Castiel suddenly flipped a steak knife up from the table and in one swift, intricate move brought it down on the table next to Bela's arm. The force of it rang out like a clap of thunder and made Bela cry out, though she appeared unharmed. When she had trouble removing her arm from the table, Charlie realized that he'd trapped her sleeve, allowing him to pick up her phone and start swiping through its contents. After a few moments of completely ignoring everyone's stares and Bela's protests, he turned off the phone and, with a humorless smile, dropped it in a glass of beer where it promptly short-circuited and died.

Charlie looked at the others with one brow raised. "Still think that Castiel's not badass enough to be Dean's partner?"

No one argued.

Dean failed to hide his proud smile as he followed Castiel back to the table and gathered their coats. Though Castiel looked pretty self-satisfied, he was still seething like he wanted nothing more than to go home and get away from obnoxious, prying coworkers. He was about to whisk away when Charlie asked on a whim:

"You guys wanna get together for video games tomorrow?"

Castiel paused; a warm expression that looked strange—but not unfitting—on him bloomed over his face. "That sounds…nice," he said pleasantly. "Feel free to come over anytime."

"In the afternoon," Dean mouthed to her behind Castiel's back with a wink. Charlie rolled her eyes and hoped that the couch would be untouched when she arrived.

"You better pay for that table!" Ellen called from the bar, but Dean just waved her off with a grin as they made their way to the door. They didn't walk with their arms wrapped around each other or their faces stuck together like love-struck teenagers. But Charlie saw, just before the door closed behind them, Dean holding onto the sleeve of Castiel's trench coat like a security blanket.

She couldn't help but smile at that.

* * *

><p><p>

Disclaimer: "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" by Frankie Valli. I figured that pretty much summed up Dean and Castiel's relationship (canonically, even).

A/N: So I think Dean sings karaoke in 10.01? I honestly had no idea—I started writing this quite a while ago. Strange world. And just in case you were wondering—yes, the mixed CD collection in Castiel's office is courtesy of Dean.

Also, no Sabriel today. Gabe is just doing a favor for Dean at Sam's urging because Gabe is Sam's friend. Sam deserves to have friends.


	4. Chapter 4 - Charlie Makes A Video

A/N: Epilogue (sort of). Gratuitous fluff, basically. Also, I'm experimenting with screenplay format. (I have no idea what I'm doing. Forgive me. Again.) Also, thanks to paranoid-mandroid and Valice for reviewing!

P.S.: Spot the Misha.

EDIT: paranoid-mandroid You flatterer! ;) I actually used google images for reference haha. Thank you and thanks to crazykaykay229 and MariMagda for the reviews! They all made me smile when I really needed it. Especially MariMagda's -gosh! So lovely, thank you.

* * *

><p><strong>EXT. DEAN AND CASTIEL'S APARTMENT BUILDING – DAY<strong>

_DEAN and CASTIEL live in a six-story brick apartment building within walking distance of the city center. The building is nearly a century old but well kept and renovated. The entrance is made up of double doors with a buzzer system (rather than a guard) that lead to a foyer that has black and white checker tiled floors and a grand staircase but is otherwise uninteresting for its sparse decorations. CHARLIE holds the camera in her hand, facing herself._

CHARLIE

Hey, everybody! Since you've all been pestering our recently favorite office couple and asking them lots of annoying questions, Dean and Castiel have granted me permission to film and interview them at home…

_BUZZER sounds and the door unlocks with a CLICK. Charlie enters._

CHARLIE (cont.)

So, you lucky bastards, here I am! Giving you a peek into the Secret Life of (Not) Married Coworkers!

**CUT TO:**

**INT: DEAN AND CASTIEL'S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – DAY**

_Dean spreads his arms out inviting a look around the living room. The apartment is clean and efficient, filled mostly with Ikea or hand-me-down furnishings but the abundant personal touches—shelves of books; a modern record player and Dean's collection of old albums; throw pillows; photographs; and framed prints and posters—make the space cozy and personal. Castiel walks in from the kitchen holding a coffee mug and wearing jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, the most casual outfit Charlie has ever seen him wear. He stops beside Dean._

CASTIEL

Would you like to see our cat? She is fond of sharing Dean's sweatshirts.

_Castiel reaches behind Dean and pulls a small black cat, not much older than a kitten, out of the hood of his jacket. The cat mews. Dean sneezes but takes the cat from Castiel._

DEAN

This is Masha. She's three months old and a pain in my ass. Do you know how much I spend on Allegra?!

_Castiel rolls his eyes and hands Charlie (behind the camera) the mug._

CASTIEL (dryly)

He lets her sleep on his pillow.

_Dean shoots him a dirty look._

DEAN (mischievously)

Hey Cass, you do realize that all people want from this video is hot gay sex, right?

CASTIEL

I hope not. I hardly think that—no, no Dean!

_Dean suddenly tackles Castiel into the couch, pushing between Castiel's legs and attacking his neck with his mouth. It's difficult to see much more than Dean's back and Castiel's limbs splayed around it, but a surprised (adorable) peal of laughter escapes Castiel while Dean makes lewd noises and the cat, unseen, mewls helplessly from between them._

**CUT TO:**

The song STAND BY ME starts to play as Dean and Castiel present various rooms of the apartment to the camera or are captured stealthily as they go about their home activities.

**MONTAGE**

A) Dean and Castiel weave easily around each other as they prepare breakfast. Dean cooks the bacon and omelets while Castiel cuts up bell pepper, onions and tomato and pours juice. The cat sits perched on Castiel's shoulder.

B) Castiel reads in an armchair while Dean sprawls across the floor watching a television program.

C) They sit at the kitchen table. Dean does work on his laptop and Castiel looks over household receipts in one hand and with the other, types his records into the iPad lying on the table. Underneath the table, they have one ankle hooked around the other's as if holding hands.

D) Castiel goes out for a run in the park wearing a clip-on iPod shuffle and a gray AC/DC shirt that's slightly too large on him. Castiel smiles bashfully at the camera as he jogs (Charlie appears to be riding a skateboard in order to keep him in the camera's sights).

E) Castiel washes dishes at the kitchen sink while Dean dries. Dean whips the towel at Castiel's backside, laughing. Castiel nonchalantly dumps a saucepan of soapy water over Dean's head.

F) Dean lifts weights at the local YMCA.

G) Dean and Castiel sit in crimson beanbag chairs and play video games.

H) Dean drives on a highway near the woods and sings all the parts to Bohemian Rhapsody enthusiastically while Castiel knits in the passenger seat and ignores him. Sam (in the back seat with Charlie) gives the camera a bitch face over Dean's singing.

I) Dean and Castiel mockingly pose as Stepford housewives with over-exuberant smiles on their tiny balcony, with Castiel watering his potted vegetable plants and Dean holding up a pie he has just baked. Dean wears an apron that says, "Come to the Dark Side. We have cookies."

J) Dean and Castiel shoot pistols in two separate booths at an indoor gun range. They reel in the targets to compare, and Dean helpfully explains Castiel's errors to him.

K) [cont. from F] Dean walks through the house in his sweaty gym clothes, looking for Cass. Castiel is walking out of the half-bathroom but as soon as he sees Dean he runs away. Dean promptly chases him through the house. The cat panics and streaks the other way.

L) Dean has tackled Castiel in the hall and he rubs his sweat body over the other man. Castiel flails, struggling to get Dean off of him and looking rather repulsed.

M) [cont. from G] Dean sits behind Castiel in the same beanbag as they play video games. Charlie now occupies the vacated beanbag and a third game console, the cat curled up in her lap.

N) Dean and Castiel sleeping on the couch together with the television left on.

**The song fades out. End of montage.**

**CUT TO:**

_Dean and Castiel sit at the kitchen table. Dean's hands are folded and Castiel sips at a cup of tea._

CHARLIE (VOICE OVER)

Okay so now we're going to do some Rapid Fire Q&A, courtesy of the requests everyone sent me via email which I _painstakingly read and sorted. Every. Single. One_. But I digress. First of all, everyone wants to know—are you gay?

DEAN

No.

CHARLIE (VO)

Is Castiel asexual?

_Dean and Castiel share a look. Both look slightly perplexed._

DEAN

Honestly we don't know much about the correct terminology but we're not really into all that labels crap anyway. We just know that we'll probably shag each other forever.

CASTIEL

You could say that we're indifferent to sexual orientation.

CHARLIE (VO)

Okay…next question: who tops?

DEAN

We switch.

CHARLIE (VO)

Kinks?

_Charlie is not surprised that neither of them reacts beyond an eyebrow raise from Dean. Castiel is business-like—so sincere about the questions he almost looks serious. Dean is very casual about the topic of sex, as usual._

DEAN

A little bondage, bit of dom/sub, but nothing extreme. And we're not really into the whole "master/slave" thing—sometimes you just wanna skip the begging and get down to the good stuff, y' know? And there's nothing wrong with a good ol' plain romp in the sack.

CASTIEL

Dean likes it when I tie him down and ride him.

_Dean splutters and blushes._

DEAN

_CASS!_

CASTIEL (oblivious)

…Dean.

CHARLIE (VO)

_Moving on. _Let's see…oh. Jesus—one-track mind, these people. They wanna know your favorite position, though I guess we already heard Dean's. Castiel?

_Castiel thinks for a moment then answers smoothly, with a small smile._

CASTIEL

By his side. Always.

_Dean turns to him with a soft look in his eye, the corner of his mouth pulling up. He is surprised by the answer but melting from it all the same._

CHARLIE (VO)

Kudos. You guys just won all the fluff points. Next question—children?

DEAN

Eventually, maybe. For now we like having our alone time.

CASTIEL

I have no doubt Dean would make an excellent father.

_Dean tries to mask his sentiment but looks down bashfully and discreetly rests a hand on Castiel's thigh under the table._

CHARLIE (VO)

Favorite qualities about each other in your relationship?

_Castiel looks at Dean._

CASTIEL

Loyalty. Honesty. Passion. He is very attentive, in spite of his grouchy exterior.

DEAN

He uh, makes me feel…worthy, I guess. And…the way he can calm me down when I'm pissed about something. His…sincerity, the things he says.

CHARLIE (VO)

Pet peeves?

DEAN (flatly)

The things he says.

CASTIEL

He drinks from the carton and never makes the bed.

DEAN (grumbling)

I grew up in motels…

CASTIEL

He cleans his guns in the living room and the solvent stinks up the apartment.

DEAN

He leaves the dishes in the sink overnight and yells at the TV.

CHARLIE (VO)

Cass yells? While watching…what, hockey?

DEAN (flatly)

House Hunters International.

_A silent pause marks the unseen Charlie's reaction._

DEAN (cont.)

He especially hates the people who request a pool and a view of the ocean.

CASTIEL (irritably)

They live on an island. They're within walking distance of the beach. They have a small budget. Why would anyone make a pool _the ultimate deciding factor_ in the house they buy?

_Dean lays his hand on top of Castiel's on the table; he strokes his thumb across Castiel's hand and makes a hushing sound. Castiel glares at him._

DEAN

He also gets really moody when he doesn't go off on his own every once in a while.

CASTIEL

Dean is an unreasonably early riser. He sometimes requests sex at six in the morning.

DEAN (grinning)

_Sex_ a.m.

CHARLIE (VO)

Next question! Who wears the pants?

DEAN (huffing angrily)

What bullshit—I bake, Cass gardens, we both cook and clean because we're mature adult men who can take care of themselves and each other. Next.

CHARLIE (VO)

Plan on getting married anytime soon?

DEAN (cooling down)

We've considered it, but…

CASTIEL

We don't believe we need to make our relationship legal to prove the validity of our commitment, though we have considered the benefits that come with marriage.

DEAN

Y'know, in case—God forbid—one of us ends up in the hospital and they've got the Family Only rule.

CHARLIE (VO)

What do you do for romantic getaways?

DEAN (disgusted)

_Romantic?_

CHARLIE (VO – pointedly)

Yeah, like the gestures you make for your Significant Other to express how much you appreciate him or her on the odd occasion you decide _to come out of your man cave_.

CASTIEL (unfazed by Dean's behavior)

We like to travel. Usually we visit nature parks and national monuments.

DEAN

Mountains and stuff.

CASTIEL

Last month we went to Wyoming on a fishing trip.

CHARLIE (VO)

...Wyoming, huh? On a fishing trip? Bet you got a _lotta_ fishing done, yep.

_Dean rolls his eyes._

CASTIEL (slightly confused)

It was a bit out of season, but we did manage to catch some trout.

DEAN

Dude's never seen _Brokeback Mountain_.

CHARLIE (VO)

And you have?

DEAN (obviously lying)

Psshh, no.

CHARLIE (VO)

Whatever. Last question! When was the first time you said, "I love you?"

_There is a moment of silence where Dean is obviously uncomfortable. He ducks his head and mumbles._

CHARLIE (VO)

Sorry, what was that?

DEAN (forced)

When I sang to him at the bar.

_A pause._

CHARLIE (VO)

A little late to the party there, Winchester.

DEAN (flustered)

It's not like he really cares about that stuff! I mean, _he's_ never said it to _me!_

CASTIEL

I thought it fell under the category of "chick-flick," which you so loathe.

_Dean shrugs one shoulder awkwardly and refuses to make eye contact with anyone. Castiel watches him curiously for a minute before he realizes:_

CASTIEL

I see that this is important to you.

DEAN

Nah, it's fine, just—

CASTIEL

Listen to me.

_Castiel reaches up to cup Dean's cheek with his hand and brings Dean's gaze back to him. They share a soulful stare for a few moments, communicating deeply. Dean clutches at Castiel's sleeve and Castiel leans in slowly, their eyes trained on each other. Their lips are just centimeters away when Castiel says:_

**CUT TO: BLACK**

CASTIEL (VO)

I love you, Dean.

**END**

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry if it got pretty lame toward the end, I was running out of material and non-drowsy minutes. But thanks for following!

FYI: The cat is named after Mary. Masha is a nickname for Maria (Mary) in Russian, because I didn't want to make it _too_ obvious. And, well, now you know.


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